woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
