is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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