im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
