you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
