it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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