I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
