Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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