After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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