Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
