I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
