So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
