I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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