and she was petting her beer can
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
