I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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