im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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