Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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