so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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