She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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