you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
