i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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