where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
