This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
