and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
