is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think i have two assholes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
be right there i have to get my cape
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
