have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
