My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
