At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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