I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
