I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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