FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
