I just pynch a tree in the face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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