He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
