if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
