Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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