Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
