my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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