I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
