I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it because I queefed?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
