At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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