i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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