I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
