if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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