well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
