I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
