I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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