absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
