we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
