gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
