she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She bit a glass in half.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
