Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
