Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
