I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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