i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
