I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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