My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the raccoons are back...
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