Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
