you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
